December 2nd

This class was the class we get feedback from Mr Paterson about our essays. We were lucky that we were the first group to get feedback. This was an important thing because we have more time than other groups to improve our essays. There were lots of things Mr Paterson noticed in my paragraphs which I need to improve. 

The first thing I need to improve is that I am using too many of "this" in one of my paragraphs. We weren't able to check each other's paragraphs so I was not able to notice it. Something else that has to change is that I used the word "did not" instead of "didn't". This mistake occurred because we didn't check each other's paragraph which we should have done. In the feedback, it was not mentioned but there are some things I need to improve which was not told. For example, the AWL words are too low, not having enough money and so on. I don't know why he didn't mention about this but this is what I actually need to focus on. 

The rest of the class and the class when Mr Paterson is giving feedback to other people is the time for us to improve our essays. So I want to use this time wisely and improve as much as I can and this time, I would ask someone else to check my paragraph so that I am not making a small mistake I made before.